twinning

It's 3.13am on a cold blustery November night. I'm lying awake listening to a cacophony of farmyard animals, awaiting the signal of hunger, ravenous never been fed before hunger. In the background is the faint steady hum of a machine. A couple of minutes pass by and a pitter patter of feet bring the delivery to my door, just in time as baby girls lets out a wail. A busy morning ensues with two hungry babies to feed, change, cuddle and settle. Sound familiar?

I'm a Birth and Post partum birthkeeper, I support expectant families as they approach the birth of their newborns. Providing up to date evidence based information, guidance and emotional support, including birth support when mums go into labour. I go on call for parents two weeks before their estimated due date. My phone does not leave my side day or night until I receive the call that labour has started, most often in the middle of the night. I journey with mums as they labour, anticipating their needs and navigating hospitals and medics, midwives and birthpools. I'm there until babies are born and fed, photos have been taken and milky sweet tea delivered.

Its hard to be definitive regarding my role as a post natal doula. Some families I will see a few times a week for the first few weeks after birth, others up to twelve weeks of the babies life.  I'll do hands on domestic stuff, cooking and laundry for some families, whilst others simply require emotional support and companionship.  The sessions are often interspersed with me answering questions, "is this normal" is a common phrase, which ultimately leads onto a conversation that will hopefully ease any worries around the topic. After twenty odd years of supporting new families as a nanny, maternity nurse and more latterly a doula, there isn't much I haven't seen or heard. A fairly typical scene is me wearing a baby in a sling whilst chopping up ingredients for a one pot wonder and chatting to a mum about sleep, breastfeeding, contents of nappies and the tiny wind farm that I'm wearing. Normal stuff.

For many mothers their voyage into breastfeeding is often littered with shoddy 'advice' from a plethora of professionals and well meaning family members. I have waved goodbye to a happy mum on Friday with a baby feeding beautifully. To return on Monday to a crestfallen, anxious mum and very unhappy baby, because great aunt Betty visited over the weekend and declared "that baby feeds too much" Unsolicited advice has usurped many breastfeeding relationships, mainly from untrained, myth based, or outdated information from Health Visitors (who seem to love infacol!) to mum in laws. To an exhausted ear all advice seems like good advice. My suggestion to anyone visiting new parents, bring lasagne not advice. Guidance and support regarding all feeding choices is part and parcel of what I do for my clients. And it doesnt end when the session does. It's standard for me to be sending over links and articles to mums in transit. Up to date information written by trusted experts in the field can help new mums make informed choices. If at least once a week I'm not overheard on public transport asking “how's your nipples now” then it's a quiet week!

Twin families have a special place in my heart. I'm privy to the fastest learning curve known to humanity! How to attend to the ever growing needs of two small humans. No amount of TAMBA or NCT can fully prepare parents for those first few weeks. I'm not just talking about the sleep deprivation or the Olympic nappy changing. I'm talking about the Herculean sense of responsibility, the emotional superglue that has you checking they are breathing 675 times per hour and the sense that you will never eat enough again. Especially if it's hot. Motherhood is peppered with brilliant moments of ‘winning’ The first time you have an uninterrupted shower, or one baby sleeps on a vessel that isn't a human, or popping to the post office on your own <insert Rocky theme tune> These small victories grow as your family does.

There is no mother more grateful of support than a mum of multiples. The physical effort required to care for two babies is often overlooked in the lead up to giving birth. Many families approach me as paternity leave is coming to an end and the level of support necessary is dawning. I spend a lot of my sessions with twin families ensuring that mum has enough to eat and to hand when I leave at the end of the session. I've known so many new mums tell me they've eaten nothing all day, the fridge is full of ingredients and no time to cook. We all know the physical and mental affects of sleep deprivation and the well intended advice of ‘sleep when they do’ which is impossible for many mothers to do without support. If your mind is racing about the ever growing to-do list how can you get any rest? Doulas have a keen eye for damage limitation. Bundling mums off to bed, clicking on the washing machine, taking those babies out for a walk and returning two hours later with two hungry babies and one rested mum. Rocket science, no.

I recently asked Manda my current twin mummy about her experience of doula support;

“They say it takes a village to raise a child… A village and a doula to raise twins! We felt comforted by the nurturing philosophy underpinning Doula-hood. To know that these very little people were in loving hands, where baby led decisions were being made, meant we could get the support we needed without feeling like we were compromising the well-being of our children. Not only are doulas an extra pair of hands they are another heart and soul to truly care for your babies”

Its 3.47am. Baby girls breathing slows as she rest her gorgeous head on my shoulder and I marvel at her long lashes. She lets out a satisfied and sonic belch as I lay her in her cot. Her brother who realising he's awake and therefore starving, makes his first percussive complaint. Two tiny legs bashing his mattress rhythmically then the hands and now a high pitched screech. Better feed the little one man band. 4.20am silence. For now.